Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.