Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (863)

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  (863): View more from Florida

  I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.

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  (863): I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1riw
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  And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?

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  (863): And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/3986
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  I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.

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  (863): I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious. http://tfl.nu/2u5k
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  hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.

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  (863): hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple. http://tfl.nu/ta85
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  It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.

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  (863): It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job. http://tfl.nu/q4uy
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  Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.

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  (863): Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter. http://tfl.nu/u1po
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  I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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  (863): I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen. http://tfl.nu/kind
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  I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.

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  (863): I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous. http://tfl.nu/l7hq
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  Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.

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  (863): Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day. http://tfl.nu/qpfj
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  I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.

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  (863): I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller. http://tfl.nu/jris
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  There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

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  (863): There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent. http://tfl.nu/g0ez
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  Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.

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  (863): Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone. http://tfl.nu/onku
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  In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us

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  (863): In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us http://tfl.nu/7cnb
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  oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.

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  (863): oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dnld
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  In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.

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  (863): In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something. http://tfl.nu/qu2f
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