Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dating After Heartbreak
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.