Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.