I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....