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Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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