I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard