Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (901)

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.

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  (901): Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn. http://tfl.nu/sdqi
  Replies (6) Good night (212) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
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  At least you have booty calls.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china

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  (901): At least you have booty calls. (1-901): True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china http://tfl.nu/6dg2
  Replies (7) Good night (1159) Bad night (236)
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  Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.

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  (901): Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic. http://tfl.nu/8z3j
  Replies (7) Good night (2025) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
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  Do what your heart wants. . .

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  My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis

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  (901): Do what your heart wants. . . (504): My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis http://tfl.nu/o9fm
  Replies (7) Good night (2054) Bad night (447)
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  Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas

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  (901): Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas http://tfl.nu/y10v
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  I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.

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  (901): I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this. http://tfl.nu/q4h5
  Replies (9) Good night (592) Bad night (3403)
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  I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?

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  (901): I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter? http://tfl.nu/wyo3
  Replies (6) Good night (1218) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.

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  (901): Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open. http://tfl.nu/khnp
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  Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.

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  (901): Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on. http://tfl.nu/t92u
  Replies (12) Good night (1663) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.

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  (901): mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again. http://tfl.nu/wn4g
  Replies (8) Good night (511) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
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  Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?

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  (901): Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper? http://tfl.nu/q7x9
  Replies (17) Good night (3898) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Jail. That could go wrong.

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  (901): Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong? (325): Jail. That could go wrong. http://tfl.nu/f51a
  Replies (5) Good night (1757) Bad night (341)
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  I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.

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  (901): I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking. http://tfl.nu/t4jf
  Replies (11) Good night (4361) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
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  She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.

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  (901): She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas. http://tfl.nu/43pp
  Replies (2) Good night (1044) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.

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  (901): She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab. http://tfl.nu/iean
  Replies (6) Good night (2004) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt