Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think i got beer on your cat.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors