It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?