I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule