Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning