It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream