Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.