I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......