As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.