Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk is not a location!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask