Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dating After Heartbreak
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.