I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk is not a location!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.