That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.