and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.