69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.