as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
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He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket