Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?