My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder