And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me