Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
DO NOT LOSE IT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.