I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"