I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice