Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am