The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
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