Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.