Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.