On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar