I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach