I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.