I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If u could sum last night up in one word?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno