yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If u could sum last night up in one word?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...