I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.