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Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
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