I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night