He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil