Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (914)

Last Night in New York (914)

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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.

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(914): The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands. http://tfl.nu/vf34

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I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow

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(914): I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow http://tfl.nu/1io8

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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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(914): My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis? http://tfl.nu/29es

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Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like

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(914): Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like http://tfl.nu/plug

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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?

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(914): Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea? http://tfl.nu/04z0

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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?

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(914): How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy? http://tfl.nu/qpaa

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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina

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(914): I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina http://tfl.nu/2aox

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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.

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(914): I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me. http://tfl.nu/p01s

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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.

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(914): We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar. http://tfl.nu/5gv0

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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.

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(914): Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face. http://tfl.nu/vgja

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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?

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(914): She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable? http://tfl.nu/73t2

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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.

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(914): If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls. http://tfl.nu/qfqf

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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.

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I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.

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(914): If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded. (914): I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit. http://tfl.nu/hj4l

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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.

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(914): You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street. http://tfl.nu/q2es

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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.

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(914): He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will. http://tfl.nu/096i

Replies (8) Good night (1894) Bad night (332)

Last Night in New York (914)

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