idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
no that's ok
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of