Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body