I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
Damn victory sex feels great
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon