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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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