They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.