I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You are a genius and a whore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.