i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.