I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.