I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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