Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry