On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
COCAINE IS GR8
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But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist