my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.