Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (541)

Last Night in Oregon (541)

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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.

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(541): People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized. http://tfl.nu/aj4f

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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.

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(541): Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing. http://tfl.nu/bqm2

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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.

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(541): And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual. http://tfl.nu/zw2q

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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.

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(541): Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car. http://tfl.nu/sdxj

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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.

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(541): Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back. http://tfl.nu/a3bg

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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.

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(541): I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila. http://tfl.nu/lzm1

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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.

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(541): k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating. http://tfl.nu/iql3

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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.

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(541): I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards. http://tfl.nu/slrk

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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.

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(541): No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure. http://tfl.nu/g7wu

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How are you feeling?

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Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.

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(541): How are you feeling? (1-541): Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am. http://tfl.nu/yuas

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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.

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Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.

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(541): He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec. (541): Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY. http://tfl.nu/zkog

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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today

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(541): You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today http://tfl.nu/hkte

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25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.

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(541): 25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that. http://tfl.nu/kj3r

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What should I say back?

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Well, how do you want the conversation to go?

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Straight into my pants.

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(541): What should I say back? (1-541): Well, how do you want the conversation to go? (541): Straight into my pants. http://tfl.nu/5wls

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Happy birthday, you long dick monster

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(541): Happy birthday, you long dick monster http://tfl.nu/0cme

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Last Night in Oregon (541)

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