Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons