I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with