I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.