Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.