Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (856)

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  YOU ARE MY HERO

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  (609): I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet... (856): YOU ARE MY HERO http://tfl.nu/qvso
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.

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  (856): I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree. http://tfl.nu/ftwn
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  After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.

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  (856): After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/n5bk
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  She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.

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  (856): She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group. http://tfl.nu/inny
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  I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?

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  (856): I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life? http://tfl.nu/hhin
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  He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority

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  (856): He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority http://tfl.nu/8eu2
  Replies (3) Good night (1161) Bad night (189) Order T-Shirt
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  i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?

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  (856): i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me? http://tfl.nu/5yrh
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  she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte

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  (856): she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte http://tfl.nu/jlfx
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  I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?

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  (856): I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police? http://tfl.nu/pr1m
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  Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.

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  (856): Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes. http://tfl.nu/sl8l
  Replies (2) Good night (794) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
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  I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.

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  (856): I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now. http://tfl.nu/hfm5
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  the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there

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  (856): the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there http://tfl.nu/b4jk
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  Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate

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  (856): Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate http://tfl.nu/thdo
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  It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.

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  (856): It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain. http://tfl.nu/6yg4
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  Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.

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  (856): Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox. http://tfl.nu/almc
  Replies (18) Good night (1823) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt