my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
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just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
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