You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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