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i came on her dog
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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