i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue