No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
that is very illegal...i love you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How much have you had to drink?
That seems like quite a lot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways