I love you. Go after that dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER