Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (952)

Last Night in Minnesota (952)

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I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.

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Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.

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(952): I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face. (952): Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him. http://tfl.nu/f0ba

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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.

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(952): So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child. http://tfl.nu/9pky

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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.

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(952): I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous. http://tfl.nu/ct4x

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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.

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(952): WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms. http://tfl.nu/gsmc

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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.

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(952): Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me. http://tfl.nu/gmmg

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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.

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(952): He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy. http://tfl.nu/1isp

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Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.

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No shame December is a go.

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(952): Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina. (1-952): No shame December is a go. http://tfl.nu/ilc6

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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.

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(952): You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans. http://tfl.nu/wpte

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You went home with a man in a loincloth

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I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???

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(952): You went home with a man in a loincloth (914): I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween??? http://tfl.nu/0bv2

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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.

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(952): First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale. http://tfl.nu/145n

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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.

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(952): I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me. http://tfl.nu/5m33

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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.

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(952): High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog. http://tfl.nu/sw6f

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Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.

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(952): Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead. http://tfl.nu/k34x

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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.

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(952): She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high. http://tfl.nu/dd7j

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I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport

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(952): I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport http://tfl.nu/ckgb

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Last Night in Minnesota (952)

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