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I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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