HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.