HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
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Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.