Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Iowa (319)

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.

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  (319): I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you. http://tfl.nu/2phb
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture

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  (319): You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture http://tfl.nu/kmrh
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...

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  (319): This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left... http://tfl.nu/s9na
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.

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  (319): I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party. http://tfl.nu/7y6s
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.

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  (319): "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits. http://tfl.nu/w2vw
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint

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  (319): Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint http://tfl.nu/ay0t
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick

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  (319): He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick http://tfl.nu/akxs
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.

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  (319): "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits. http://tfl.nu/zmtn
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip

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  (319): I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip http://tfl.nu/igio
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?

  (319): View more from Iowa

  will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?

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  (612): So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me? (319): will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls? http://tfl.nu/9asz
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.

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  (319): I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks. http://tfl.nu/yrtx
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.

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  (319): She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high. http://tfl.nu/fsls
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.

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  (319): I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls. http://tfl.nu/wkuc
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real

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  (319): God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real http://tfl.nu/8qp8
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  ...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text

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  (319): ...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text http://tfl.nu/8wuc
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