He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.