Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.