I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Send us your Text From Last Night!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
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