Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.