And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants