Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK