I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.