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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
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