Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit