& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.