You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking