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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
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