The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.