Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.