He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.