This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off