Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?