I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks