Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood