i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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