We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.