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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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