i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017