I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.