Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"