Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.