oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think this conversation is over.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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