It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.