Texts From Last Night

Last Night in West Virginia (304)

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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay

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  (304): I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay http://tfl.nu/d341
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  You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather

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  (304): You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather http://tfl.nu/giov
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  My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.

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  (304): My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point. http://tfl.nu/bf1e
  Replies (6) Good night (233) Bad night (774)
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  Some girl just showed me her stretch marks

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  You need to get out of tn

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  (304): Some girl just showed me her stretch marks (757): You need to get out of tn http://tfl.nu/alqm
  Replies (7) Good night (189) Bad night (1090)
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  I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.

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  (304): I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad. http://tfl.nu/mnuf
  Replies (4) Good night (951) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.

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  (304): He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered. http://tfl.nu/u1qq
  Replies (19) Good night (1843) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.

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  (304): You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls. http://tfl.nu/z9o6
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  High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.

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  (304): High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/jxf6
  Replies (14) Good night (1646) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
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  I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.

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  (304): I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable. http://tfl.nu/ox4w
  Replies (3) Good night (1915) Bad night (329)
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  I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

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  (304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar http://tfl.nu/3165
  Replies (18) Good night (3285) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot

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  (304): yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot http://tfl.nu/grz5
  Replies (2) Good night (915) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
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  I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.

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  (304): I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke. http://tfl.nu/7s6d
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  The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower

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  (304): The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower http://tfl.nu/8cve
  Replies (12) Good night (1890) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.

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  (304): As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj. http://tfl.nu/nu7q
  Replies (16) Good night (2137) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.

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  (304): What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like? (859): i already know. Delicious. Use ranch. http://tfl.nu/w6yr
  Replies (19) Good night (3146) Bad night (320)