I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out