Did I turn a man straight...??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single