when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.