Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?