Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.