He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.