I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?