What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.