Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wish I had a tail.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.