Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet