It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.