Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (407)

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  Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.

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  (407): Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time. http://tfl.nu/ap64
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  There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.

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  (407): There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture. http://tfl.nu/r7xe
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  Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.

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  (407): Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer. http://tfl.nu/w1nq
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  I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

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  (407): I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom. http://tfl.nu/s7cn
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  I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.

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  (407): I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by. http://tfl.nu/944n
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  She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy

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  (407): She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy http://tfl.nu/3ht2
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  I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.

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  Yeah he's good at that.

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  (407): I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts. (904): Yeah he's good at that. http://tfl.nu/ekc4
  Replies (5) Good night (430) Bad night (1156)
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  Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.

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  (407): Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition. http://tfl.nu/erlj
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  I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?

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  (407): I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right? http://tfl.nu/v5fc
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  Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.

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  Bro? You just made it a target.

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  (407): Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy. (1-407): Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far. (407): Bro? You just made it a target. http://tfl.nu/0hg2
  Replies (7) Good night (1849) Bad night (569)
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  I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much

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  Like they're going to fly away?

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  (407): I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much (352): Like they're going to fly away? http://tfl.nu/z6w4
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  When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.

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  Did you reintroduce yourself?

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  He threatened to call the cops.

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  (407): When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house. (301): Did you reintroduce yourself? (407): He threatened to call the cops. http://tfl.nu/0bcc
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  Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.

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  (407): Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30. http://tfl.nu/fgkn
  Replies (13) Good night (510) Bad night (880)
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  My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.

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  (407): My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now. http://tfl.nu/oxop
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  Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around

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  (407): Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around http://tfl.nu/jysb
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