She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom