'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right