He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.