There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.