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Last Night in Washington (206)

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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.

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(206): Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year. http://tfl.nu/dota

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No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE

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(206): No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE http://tfl.nu/0vv1

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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.

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(206): Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive. http://tfl.nu/785o

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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.

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(206): obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol. http://tfl.nu/y9qf

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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

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Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

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(206): The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies... (425): Let's let the open bar be the judge of that. http://tfl.nu/ch8t

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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.

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(206): He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants. http://tfl.nu/v3dq

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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.

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(206): He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go. http://tfl.nu/rhri

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I spit up blood this morning

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That's vegas.

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(919): I spit up blood this morning (206): That's vegas. http://tfl.nu/44z7

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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.

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You are nothing if not reliable.

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(206): I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different. (1-206): You are nothing if not reliable. http://tfl.nu/5ioj

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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.

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(206): He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful. http://tfl.nu/c0jh

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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians

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How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?

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(206): I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians (503): How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often? http://tfl.nu/gll8

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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

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(206): woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night http://tfl.nu/9u90

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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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(206): dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement. http://tfl.nu/2u7j

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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia

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(206): I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia http://tfl.nu/go1o

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at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.

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(206): at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception. http://tfl.nu/j51s

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Last Night in Washington (206)

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