Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we f'd six times
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.