Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (206)

Last Night in Washington (206)

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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.

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(206): You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship. http://tfl.nu/k0v9

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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities

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(206): Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities http://tfl.nu/0iqe

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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.

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(206): I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python. http://tfl.nu/mdf6

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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...

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(206): When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person... http://tfl.nu/69cl

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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

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Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

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(206): What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again? (425): Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing. http://tfl.nu/l4cd

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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.

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(206): i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment. http://tfl.nu/5sgm

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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.

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(206): I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night. http://tfl.nu/kkxt

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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?

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(206): Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/2o7o

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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside

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(206): a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside http://tfl.nu/s7y4

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So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...

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(206): So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present... http://tfl.nu/f3rc

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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.

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(206): Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun. http://tfl.nu/5ck8

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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.

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(206): You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want. http://tfl.nu/h1r5

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Gong!

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YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT

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(206): Gong! (1-253): YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT http://tfl.nu/dcri

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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex

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Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy

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(253): Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex (206): Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy http://tfl.nu/0aky

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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.

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(206): Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night. http://tfl.nu/k94l

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Last Night in Washington (206)

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