I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?