Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sext me about skeletons
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.