Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?