I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"