Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.