Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today