WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.