I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF