A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"