Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.