You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know