Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed