This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I love you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.