Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor