I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo