Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (707)

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  (707): View more from California

  It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

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  (707): It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know. http://tfl.nu/9rsw
  Replies (20) Good night (987) Bad night (248)
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  (707): View more from California

  Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.

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  (707): Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires. http://tfl.nu/p299
  Replies (7) Good night (976) Bad night (202)
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  She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.

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  (707): She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast. http://tfl.nu/czk4
  Replies (11) Good night (221) Bad night (2057) Order T-Shirt
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  Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.

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  (707): Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand. http://tfl.nu/dp2x
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  New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice

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  (707): New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice http://tfl.nu/6azx
  Replies (6) Good night (350) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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  is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??

  (408): View more from California

  your beer goggles are on backwards.

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  (707): is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive?? (408): your beer goggles are on backwards. http://tfl.nu/ojnh
  Replies (4) Good night (3154) Bad night (215)
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  (707): View more from California

  I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once

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  (707): I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once http://tfl.nu/s42e
  Replies (5) Good night (574) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.

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  (707): We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs. http://tfl.nu/2c0b
  Replies (5) Good night (719) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
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  They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.

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  (707): They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR. (705): I NEED to see if his girl has a sister. http://tfl.nu/ou19
  Replies (9) Good night (2223) Bad night (362)
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  (707): View more from California

  I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots

  (1-707): View more from California

  You did like 8

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  (707): I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots (1-707): You did like 8 http://tfl.nu/2yf9
  Replies (6) Good night (2305) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.

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  (707): Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack. http://tfl.nu/ll0f
  Replies (11) Good night (298) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick

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  (707): Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick http://tfl.nu/qfj7
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  I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.

  (1-707): View more from California

  Put down the everclear and go to bed.

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  (707): I kinda wanna eat your hands right now. (1-707): Put down the everclear and go to bed. http://tfl.nu/rmaf
  Replies (1) Good night (1505) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key

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  (707): I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key http://tfl.nu/dsgw
  Replies (15) Good night (1670) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.

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  (707): It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar. http://tfl.nu/oai9
  Replies (4) Good night (939) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt