There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.