Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.