Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (352)

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  She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.

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  (352): She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later. http://tfl.nu/9nzg
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  She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.

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  (352): She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look. http://tfl.nu/0p9m
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  we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.

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  (352): we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes. http://tfl.nu/aq7l
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  You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

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  (352): You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time. http://tfl.nu/k82l
  Replies (9) Good night (1887) Bad night (312)
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  Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested

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  (352): Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested http://tfl.nu/s1lm
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  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

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  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
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  Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?

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  (352): Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room? http://tfl.nu/ie68
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  I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.

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  (352): I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas. http://tfl.nu/mxts
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  I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

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  (352): I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas! http://tfl.nu/fx1v
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  I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much

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  Like they're going to fly away?

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  (407): I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much (352): Like they're going to fly away? http://tfl.nu/z6w4
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  She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!

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  (352): She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week! http://tfl.nu/rhq7
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  Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.

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  (352): Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman. http://tfl.nu/vqgs
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  Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?

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  (352): Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend? http://tfl.nu/xbp0
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  Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!

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  (352): Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?! http://tfl.nu/wryd
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  Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.

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  (352): Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american. http://tfl.nu/kvmq
  Replies (11) Good night (1493) Bad night (545)