You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM