Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.