Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (720)

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  This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.

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  (720): This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you. http://tfl.nu/ixe4
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  Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.

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  This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.

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  (720): Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag. (303): This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two. http://tfl.nu/02n3
  Replies (2) Good night (541) Bad night (139)
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  I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.

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  (720): I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave. http://tfl.nu/epbn
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  He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....

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  (720): He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ.... http://tfl.nu/i5f3
  Replies (2) Good night (378) Bad night (649)
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  After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one

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  (720): After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one http://tfl.nu/ewhm
  Replies (4) Good night (333) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
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  This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow

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  (720): This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow http://tfl.nu/n4ws
  Replies (2) Good night (355) Bad night (198)
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  Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.

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  (720): Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage. http://tfl.nu/0rvw
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  Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?

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  (720): Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital? http://tfl.nu/6lgx
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  This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up

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  (720): This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up http://tfl.nu/dnma
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  You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.

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  (720): You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero. http://tfl.nu/rgb3
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  Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.

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  (720): Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy. http://tfl.nu/nimg
  Replies (2) Good night (662) Bad night (164)
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  Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.

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  (720): Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid. http://tfl.nu/ckk0
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  I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.

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  (720): I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win. http://tfl.nu/oqh3
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  At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......

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  (720): At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam....... http://tfl.nu/1do5
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  We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.

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  Oooh, he sounds pretty classy

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  Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.

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  (720): We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini. (970): Oooh, he sounds pretty classy (720): Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died. http://tfl.nu/8k1p
  Replies (7) Good night (835) Bad night (391)