I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."